proof the scale is shit and you shouldn’t dare step on one lolol.
i’ve been feeling really good about myself this past week! i’m finally back to eating healthy and exercising properly. i stepped on the scale thinking omg i must have lost like 30lbs (obviously not but at least something) and i’m basically the same weight i’ve been for the past ever.

i beat myself up about it for 5 minutes until i realized who the fuck cares.
no one sees what i weigh but me (and maybe you guys). i figure as long as i feel amazing and see a difference in my body why even bother beating myself up about a silly number. why does a number bother us so much?

today was good :)
ate healthy
had a good morning workout
had a good 8 hour shift
didn’t eat a donut even though i wanted one (i survived without it whoa~)
just took my dog for a quick 1 mile walk
now i’m off for 2 days!

GUYSSSSSS 

i have worked out everyday so far this week.
do you know how big this is? hahaha i’ve been slacking so hard for so long but finally i am back!

feeling really productive and good today.
work up at 6:30am, ate a healthy breakfast, packed my supper & snacks for tonight at work and now i just finished my workout.

oh and yesterday was the first time in so long that i didn’t eat a donut (or even one timbit) at work! let’s make this day number two without eating them.

hungry at 1:00am and knowing i won’t fall asleep until around 2ish because i woke up kind of late… i grabbed some grapes and vanilla greek yogurt (which taste amazing together btw). slowly starting to make better choices again and it feels so good.

y’know besides going to bed at a decent time.
i think i’m going to force myself to get up at like 7:30am-8:00am so i’ll be tired enough to fall asleep around 10:00pm tonight. it’ll be a rough day on little sleep but at least i can go back to a normal eating and sleeping schedule.

i honestly think that workout is what i needed.
i haven’t worked out in a while. i went on a run (but mostly walked) around a week-ish ago and before that i can’t even remember. i’m so bad at keeping a workout schedule but i need to this time. no more skipping workouts (except a rest day once a week). because when i skip one day, one day quickly turns into weeks without a workout.

i don’t start work until 3:00pm today :)
but i work until 11:00pm because i’m training to be a supervisor for a couple days :( the upside is my manager obviously has faith in me. even if i’m nervous as hell because there is just so many things you need to do and i’m scared i’m going to get some rude customer who wants to talk to a supervisor and jhjrhfwekjhgw hahaha.

i feel really guilty for leaving my friends early.
i don’t even know why i’m having panic attacks lately. i’m not anxious about anything. they just come on all the sudden out of nowhere. in the mall i felt like i was going to die. i don’t even know how to describe it i just felt weird and short of breath. i think about not being able to get to a hospital on time and it just makes it worse. i’m fine when i’m at home but out in public i just feel anxious out of nowhere occasionally. i think i should go to the doctor…. because i’ve been having them on a weekly basis lately and even at work. i’ll be making coffee and i’ll start to panic and i freak out and go to the bathroom ugh it’s just so frustrating because i’ve never had them as much as i have had them lately.

/rant/personal/idkwhattocallthis

i’ve been having a lot of panic attacks lately and i don’t know why. i was just shopping and couldn’t breathe out of nowhere. i don’t want to go back home already but i think i should idkidk WHY IS THIS HAPPENING

maybe i’ve been slacking on eating healthy because i’m so bored of everything. i’m sick of this food, sick of that food… so right now i’m going through different recipes online and in my cookbooks looking for inspiration! i also made up a workout plan that i can realistically stick to with my schedule.

i didn’t work out today because i went to bed at 5:00am last night. i’ve been having trouble sleeping again and it’s so frustrating because when i get little sleep i crave junk because i have zero energy. going to bed before midnight and waking up early to workout!

oh tomorrow will be good :) because i will make it good.

eating healthy and exercising sounds so easy on paper.
i mean you just don’t eat a bunch of shit food and you go exercise. i keep going through these annoying phases though. i’m either doing amazing or completely horrible and it sucks. i feel like i’m trying hard but apparently not hard enough. it just sucks when you’re drained of motivation. i’m so motivated at night and in the morning but then it all goes to crap.

I’M JUST SO ANNOYED WITH MYSELF.

i miss my best friend.
it sucks growing up. in high school we could just hangout whenever because neither of us had jobs and we were a 5 minute bike ride away from each other. now he’s 2 hours away at school in toronto and it seems like whenever he comes back home i’m always working and it sucks. i haven’t seen him since…. wow christmas shopping that’s shit. i think i’m going to go up next weekend though so that makes me happy!

it’s just sucks not being able to hangout whenever we want anymore.
it’s nice that when we do hangout though nothing has changed.

making lemon chicken + roasted broccoli (thanks to onthelightside for bringing up roasted veggies, now i want some! haha)+ corn on the cob for dinner

:)

honestly trying to eat healthy again is the hardest thing.
it’s so easy when you keep going at it but once you fall off track it’s a bitch to get back on. every since i got back from new york i haven’t had one “good” day. there it was alright to eat not so healthy since i was on vacation and walking tons but here even though i’m on my feet 9+ish hours at work it’s not good.

i have the next two days off though so i’m going to dedicate them to getting back on track. might make a meal plan tonight for the rest of the week? i just went grocery shopping so i have plenty of healthy food and no excuses. might even bike up to the market thursday morning to grab some fresh local produce! haven’t been to the market yet this year.

just worked out for the first time in like a week! just did the elliptical for 15 minutes and a couple tone it up videos but have to start slow. i’m finally feeling much better after being sick. my throats not sore, and i don’t feel stuffy and blah. i tried to workout the other day but i just kept coughing throughout it and today i was fine so yay :) i’m going to try to workout everyday until i leave for new york monday.